It is February. But I wasn't thinking that it is February. I just carried on thinking it was winter. The weeks felt grey and a little sad. I thought it was the weather. Then, the other morning, I remembered we lost our son, Michael to cancer many years ago. He died in February. "Could it still effect me that much?" I wondered.
I felt like I was in a revolving time warp. Old thoughts and old sorrows slowly came to the surface: Why didn't I pray then for Michael's healing? He was only six years old. Surely God didn't mean to hurt Mike. So many questions at the time. Through the years I have resolved most of them. The Lord has done a major healing in my life. One thing would nag me, however, from time to time. "Should I be praying for sick children now?" These thoughts always seemed to be out of sinc with what was happening in my life. I could not see how it could happen. Unless children were put in front of me. I often wondered, "Was I hiding behind fear?" I could not resolve this torment. I found it knocking at my reminiscent memories. Like a "nick in time," there seemed to be a scratch or nick in my soul. It was that time of year.
I began to write in my journal; the thoughts flowing out like gushing water. I knew the Lord was speaking to me. These are the words I wrote:
"God doesn't need you to be the one to heal children. God did not need you to pray for Michael's healing. My lack of prayer reflected my lack of understanding the power and the Presence of God. He could have intervened without request. Then I felt the comforting caress, "You did request in the deepest part of your being." God did not heal Michael in body, but God did heal Michael in soul and spirit. You can be at rest that he is with the Father. You will see Michael again. Believe that his life has brought great influence of truth to your family. His life and its wounds broke the spell of religion. True life comes from Jesus. Not from stories of Him, nor rituals that shadow the truth. Life comes from Life. Eternal life in bliss comes from Christ alone. Other doors lead to other fathoms. Some actually prefere darkness to "Light." Just remember, Our Father, Who art in Heaven, has one son, Jesus Christ. If you long to be reconciled with your heavenly Father, and all those who belong to Him, Jesus is the only door. People must choose.
And, if I feel the need :-) to have you pray for the children, I most certainly will place them before you. Rest in me! Be anxious for nothing."
I wanted to sign this missive, "Holy Spirit."
Sunday morning, after church, I stood before a new infant in the arms of her Grandmom. Instinctively, I reached over and blessed the baby. She was right in front of me, I reflected with a smile.
February is almost gone. My little "nick in time" is gone too.
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